The Best of Chuck
Norris Jokes, Facts and Sayings!
Chuck Norris doesn't
pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris threw a
hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris
enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris doesn't
need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the
bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris ordered
a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.
Chuck Norris doesn't
ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
When Lee Harvey
Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands.
JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy
boots are made of real cowboys!
Chuck Norris once had
an arm-wrestling competition with Superman. The bet was that the loser has to
then wear his underwear on top of his trousers.
Chuck is able to slam
a revolving door.
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn
out?“ asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“
Little Johnny once
bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went
to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn’t a sign of it in the bathroom.
Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave
you?”
“Darling, I really
didn’t like it. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper,
and this new thing was just far to scratchy.”
Little Johnny walks a
cow through the village square. The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where
are you going with the cow?”
“I’m taking her to
the bulls so she would get impregnated,” answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked,
“Surely your father had better be doing that?”
Little Johnny thinks
about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left
with the bulls.”
– Little Johnny, why
does your little sister cry?
– Because I helped
her.
– But that is a good
thing! What did you help her with?
– I helped her eat
her gummy bears.
Little Johnny asks
the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is
shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
Little Johnny is
relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”
Source : Happie
